This has been a tough post for me and a bit of a leap of faith, as for years I had battled with body dysmorphia and acceptance within myself, how I looked on the outside and how I felt about myself on the inside.
I have spent years redefining myself, creating the ‘perfect’ acceptable me and never knowing if she was right, good enough, attractive enough or simply a good person.
I didn’t know what it felt like, to be truly at peace with myself.
That was until I discovered my own inner voice and started to listen to all that she had to say.
I started writing to myself. Capturing the secret words, I could not normally hear in and amongst the everyday chatter.
I also started to become aware of how judgemental and at times cruel, my self talk could be.
The hard time and rejection, that I was so ready to perceive from the outside world, was in fact being generated and inflicted from within and sadly, from myself.
It turned out, I didn’t really like myself very much and that was a very depressing reality to face.
So first I decided and then I started to change it.
Slowly at first. Taking one small peace of truth at the time and uncovering it’s origins, it’s voice and whether it belonged to me and my reality or was potentially adopted from someone else’s viewpoint along the way.
The parts I didn’t like, I changed but this time, from the roots up. Challenging the core value of it and questioning my beliefs as I went.
Now I feel as though I can finally own my truth, my own light and my own darkness too.
I am not always in harmony with the woman I see looking back at me in the mirror but I genuinely like her, I love her in fact and I also forgive her, for all that she has been and has not.
I choose to support he, whilst she discovers all that she can be.
This is me.
I am not perfect but I am peaceful…most of the time xxx