Magical little holidays
I love my family.
The crazy children, the smelly dog, the piddling cat and our Hamish. These guys are my tribe and I love them dearly…
However, I also love time having away from all of them.
Time away, just me and my lovely husband. We don’t need a lot. Just a couple of days together to catch up, hang out and remember why it is we chose to get married in the first place.
It’s a funny thing really. I have met so many parents, who upon hearing about our regular ditch and run routine, make these strange faces in response, sucking air in over teeth and involuntarily seem to start convulsing or shaking their head, as if some deep, unconscious part of themselves has already begun to reject the idea, before the conscious has even had chance to quantify whether or not it has been missing out on something all this time and there could be such as thing as life after kids?!?
Sometimes I think I perceive some glimmer of hope, start to spark up in their sleep deprived faces but it’s quickly doused in guilt, doubt and shame, followed swiftly by…anger…usually towards me and my husband.
How dare we dangle this carrot of freedom in front of them? Especially when we all know that abandoning the care of ones children to another, fully competent, human being, is a blatant two fingers up to the system. You are a bad parent and for shame on you (imagine big, deep, doom sounding voice and perhaps even a sprinkle of lightening).
The fact that our children exist because Richard and I wanted to be together, to be married, hang out and become a family together, seems to be lost upon the majority of the general public. I honestly believe Richard and I strive to be the best parents that we can be and I don’t for moment think we get it right every single time but I do know that unless we take time out of our daily hamster wheel, we become flats mates. Friends, surviving together. Waiting for the bell to ring at home time, that tells us we can pick up our ambitions and pride once again and start, ‘living the dream’ once more.
I cry, ‘bollocks’.
I don’t want to wait until my children are gone to be myself, to be happy and to respect the woman I see staring back at me in the mirror and I don’t want to model that for my children. I would rather recognise that life has become a bit mental recently and if possible and is safe to do so (feels like a driving test), manoeuvre oneself from out of the friendship lane and back into the passionate lovers, friends and equals lane, emotions zipping around like we did, when we first got married.
I love this man of mine but like all things, marriage takes work but that doesn’t mean it has to suck (keep all dirty puns to yourselves…). It’s hard but it doesn’t always have to be, neither will anyone come along and fix it for you. You have to do that bit for yourself.
Claw the time back for your marriage. Get the date nights into the calendar and if you can, the overnights and couple of days away together too!
If you think about all the little it’s and bits that have pissed you off about your loved one over the years…all those unsaid gripes, the swallowed down…’it doesn’t matter’, whereas we all secretly know it does…it really does matter. Swallowing and sitting on your beefs doesn’t magically make them disappear. Your body doesn’t just develop some amazing ability to osmosis your shitty thoughts and feeling and somehow transform them into golden nuggets of marital bliss. All I find that happens is, you develop some sort of muttering, couple Tourette’s…
“stupid knob head…can’t put the bloody empty toilet roll into the bin, and it is literally, right there!!!”
“you okay honey?”,
smiling brightly, you respond, “yes, fine honey, everything is just fine”
but we all know it’s really, really not.
We need to talk people.
We need to sit our loved ones down and gently bring to the table all the rage, the collected poison, hurts and unspoken concerns and then we need to sit in the fire and wait for them to respond. (This is the key bit by the way, it’s where the magic happens. Its hard but worth every, uncomfortable second) because a relationship is a two way street and it’s not only you who probably has issues. Most of the time, your partner has all the same unspoken hurts, worries, fears and concerns and they too want to be heard and as their bestest friend in the entire universe, it’s your job to hear them, even if it hurts you to do so.
Then you need to dig down deep and take the time to go back and forth between each other until all the shit has been flung, the hurts have been aired, the accuser accused and the defendant, defended and eventually the tears will come, the sighing, snotty hiccups (and that may just be him) and hopefully then come the cuddles and if you’re really lucky and you have truly escalated to get to the bottom of your relationship shit sack, then you get to the make up but…wooohoo! Best bit x
This process can sometime take hours to days but the golden rule must always be followed…neither party at anytime is allowed to storm out or leave (unless going to the toilet).
You both have to stay within the storm to see the rainbow at the end.
That is why time together is so incredibly important.
Mini holidays to air your grievances, catch up with your best buddy and then kiss make up, giggle, get drunk, watch films, take walks and hold hands and do all the rude things you can’t normally do (because your might people could barge in at anytime and require a lifetime of therapy), remembering how much you actually like the stupid twonk standing by your side.
Remembering the reason why you chose to be with each other in the first place.
Taking the time to deal with your stuff and keep your marriage alive, makes for a happier couple, a happier you and inevitably happier kiddies.
Your children are always watching, always learning, always copying.
What lessons do you want to teach them?
I maybe a branded a bad and selfish parent for taking the time to hang out with my beautiful husband for a couple of days but I think we are better as a family for it and it’s gives my husband and I the solid foundation our life requires us to have, to withstand the daily chaos that can come crashing around us at any given moment.
So I’m going to sit here in the sunshine (even though it’s October folks 😎), holding hands with my best friend, drinking a delicious larger (not great if you have pots but hey ho…conversation for another time) and watching the sun go down. Whilst our beautiful children are back at home being diligently watched over by Woody the dog…hahaha…only kidding…Chloe the cat…sorry…Hamish.
Hold your loved ones close and take care wonderful people xxx